Assignment 3

Assignment 3

 The main detail of this assignment was to create a diary recording at least 2 weeks of information and then examine the recorded memories, facts and details and then create a set of images which were either based on the diary entries or were influenced by them.

Since I already keep a diary which details my pain levels, the management I am using to cope and information on my sleep patterns I am used to recording my day, and initially I thought that it would just be a small step to add in the extra data.


My diary was all over the place, during the time that I was recording what was happening and how I was feeling, I lost my job, my aged mother's mental health declined and I myself felt that I had hit rock bottom.

 As with the previous assignment, I knew that I wanted to continue to examine the issues of my life long illness and its affect on my own personal life. Using this as a basis of an idea I started to do some extra research and at first I wanted to take images and text from my diary and place them together so that the context of the image could then by driven by the narrative of what I was feeling at the time. However I felt that the text was dragging the viewer in the wrong direction and not allowing them to examine the image and draw their own conclusions based on the visual stimulus and a minor amount of narrative to start the process.

The following images are from this first attempt, I was influenced by a set of images from Nancy Borowick whose book "The Family Imprint" was detailed on the Metro Website Metro.co.uk, M. L. (2017, July 6). Photographer captures the final years of her parents' lives. Retrieved July 17, 2017, from http://metro.co.uk/2017/07/06/photographer-nancy-borowick-captures-the-final-years-of-her-parents-lives-the-family-imprint-6759970/

 However my own images could not capture the intimate and personal aspect; when I started to examine the first of the images I could see that the did not gel together and were lacking in the narrative structure.

 The general fatigue if the condition means that I am bed bound a lot of the day, as I struggle to cope with both the pain and the tiredness which is hoisted upon me by the condition. Pain causes a lack of sleep, the lack of sleep causes fatigue, the fatigue causes pain. The cyclic nature of the condition driving me into ever decreasing circles.

 


Sometimes I am hit with the deepest depression; out of nowhere I will suddenly become morose and withdrawn. The tiredness and brain fog does not allow me to express myself clearly and I just stop interacting. I sit and wonder what happened.


 

Having to time-slice my energy causes my levels of energy to collapse, I cannot handle the loss of energy and I fall down or just lie down and wait for it to pass. I do not sleep, it is more a complete loss of consciousness. I do not dream and I awake not knowing if a minute, an hour or a day has passed.



Standing back a bit from this failure I decided to read up a bit and went through my library looking for influences.

I was heavily influenced by the book the Camera i (See Influences Page) and I decided to follow the idea of a sequence of self portraits.

 I went with the process of black and white after reviewing a number of images by the portrait images done by Dora Marr https://www.artsy.net/artist/dora-maar and Robert Mapplethorpe, especially his self portrait from his collection "On the Edge"


Robert Mapplethorpe - Self Portrait


 I really wanted to emulate something like this but not copy the idea, so it stuck with me through out the series of images.

Having to deal with the internal pressure and strife I set down and number of notes and ideas, one of which I was keen to use again; while at a pain counselling session the councillor recommend that if I was struggling then I needed to talk, if no one was available then I was to set up either an imaginary camera on a real one and talk to an illusionary interviewer and express my feelings, thoughts and emotions to the it.

Very much like the Robert Mapplethorpe image I wanted to reduce the amount of visual information down to a minimum, so |I also went with a dark background, I waited until the sun had passed and drew across dark curtains to simulate the dark background. I also used only one small flash which I configured as an off camera flash and it was either set on a stand to the left of the camera or was set on a table below and not far from the camera lens. Having set up the camera with an interval timer I stood and spoke, after a few minutes I relaxed into the session and allowed the camera to capture the images.
I did this over a number of sessions to try and get a variety of images.

Having captured the images, the first thing I wanted to do was convert them all to black and white as I wanted to focus solely on the expressions on my face, as I thought this way I could best drive away any distractions on the images and take out colours which may have pulled the eye away from where I wanted it to focus.

 I also wanted to try out an idea by projecting words onto my face but this idea failed at the first step when the projections did not work to my satisfaction.

Words on Face

 

This just did not work, the projections were too tight and when they were pulled back, the overflow of light onto the background drew the eye away from the image totally.

Overall I was much happier with the "talking£ therapy images and chose a number which I felt carried the narrative.

Tired. 

 I started to speak about the lack of energy I had having to share the energy out amongst the many problems that I was having to handle. I just wanted to stop and have a proper nights sleep rather than the 20 to 50 minutes that I get just now.

 

I was truly tired of other peoples problems and having to jump to attention and deal with theirs with no emotional return from them. I wanted isolation and just for once to have someone come and help me.

 Relaxing into it. 

 After a while I felt less self conscious about what I was doing and relaxed into it. I was able to start freely expressing myself in a location where no one but me had to listen and no one could take what I was saying and give or take offence.

 

 I started to be happy with being able to turn the feelings into free words, expression flowed freely.

 Lost in anger 

 At this point I was expressing my anger and frustration.

 
 The frustration robbed me of words and I was lost in the moment , lost somewhere between depression and hopelessness

Happy 

 From the corner of the room in wandered the one constant around me, Louie the cat. Not only is he by my side most of the day but he is someone that I can speak to without being judged.



When I am tired and low, he keeps me company by either being beside me constantly purring or sitting on me watching to ensure that I am warm.

 Forward 

 In the style of Alexander Rodchenko whose Soviet propoganda work I am deeply influenced by and a small tribute to Lemmy Kilminster

 

 I can only go forward as there is nothing to go back to. I have been kicked out of my job, I have lost my main source of income and I may be unable to continue with my studies. I must remain on the path for if I fail I will be lost to the world for I will withdraw into myself and push everyone away. A danger that comes to everyone who is housebound and isolated from the community.


Return to Serenity

 Having spoken my piece I feel lighter and freer, I may have lost a lot just now but I am back to where I was when I was kicked out of college and was unemployed.

 

 It may be three steps backward and one step forward, but I have a purpose; I may have no job, no income, no support and no one to turn to but I have myself and I can be strong again, I can make this work, I can be me again, no some corporate pawn, a drone worker unhappy with my lot. The bridges are burnt and the fire will light my way.

Conclusion. 

 This was quite a difficult and personal project, having to deal with personal issues, using a diary to reflect on my moods and feelings and having to express myself through nothing more than a mime. 

After a few false starts I think I managed to get into the assignment and produce a set of images that I am really happy with, they speak to me of my feelings at the time and looking at them again brings those expressions and feelings to mind.

Working towards Assignment Three

I seem to have had a multitude of problems as I work towards Assignment 3. The main issue which has dragged my diary off into no mans land is the fact that I have lost my job, I have spent long hours sitting working out if and how I can afford to continue my studies, The loss of my job has had an impact on my health and once again I am struggling to control and manage the chronic fatigue and the chronic pain.

Along with that, the speed-lights I had purchased a while back with the intention of using them for this assignment turn out to be useless as they are incompatible with the controller I have purchased with my last pay packet. I will now either purchase new ones that work with the controller, change the assignment completely or just take the hint and throw the towel in.

Exercise - Lee and Morrissey

Nikki S Lee - Projects

When I started to review the images from Nikki S Lees projects I was surprised to find that she had taken a lot of time in each setup. Taking up to three months to work with the individuals and to merge with them so that she did not look out of place. By using quick methods of shooting and by using standard off the shelf cameras she has captured some unique images; in some cases they look like family snapshots even down to the time stamp on the image.  By having the image taken by a family member or by someone else and having Lee within the group creates a constructed image, challenging the reality of the context.

By using stealth assimilation, Less has blended in, showing the her identity is fluid and that she can be whoever she chooses to be, picking up and dropping masks as she goes from project to project. Lee exposes herself to different cultures, trying to show that identity is non static and that individuals are not a solid set of thoughts and traits which do not change. Lee shows that identity is a complex set of masks and presentations, and she shows this through her own personal transformation using clothes, styling and social membership. Lee attempts to belong within the groups and then record her authenticity, in doing so Lee sets up the question of identity; who are we, are we defined by our social group, by our level within the social group, does this identity change when going between groups (family, friends,  larger groups) and does this change have a conscious element, are we aware of our changes, 

What caught me off guard was the use of blackface in the hip hop project. I just do not feel that it was required. Many people involved in the hip hop scene are not black and rather than working with them to create her own identity within the crowd she has deliberately taken to copying them. Rather then being a social chameleon Lee has taken the decision to be exploitative.  Lee here is making race a performance, it is a caricature of hip hop and reduces her image to cultural appropriation. Having spent time looking through 'Projects' I could not find another black person anywhere else, there were no black yuppies or black skaters, I just cannot understand why Lee chooses to use blackface to appear "black" within the hip hop community; Lee states herself that she feels stateless and race less and does not have race issues, but then forgets the history of blackface, especially within American performance arts.

Why this is taken as acceptable is a mystery to me, how does Less manage to persuade the art world that her blacking up is  neither voyeuristic nor racist. 

She does something similar in the deep south project which appears almost sneering and again deliberately going out of its way to present the individuals who are not Lee as poor, uneducated rednecks. 

In all at times, Lee's work within Projects does remind me of early colonial travel photography, quietly sneering down the lens capturing the less cultural to exhibit them later,

The other main issue is see with Lee is the exploitation of the individuals in the projects, none of the groups or people are identified nor are they given a narrative, their presence is pure for context but once Lee has captured her image they are forgotten as Lee goes off to present her take on them and pocket the money.  

Trish Morrissey - Front

Morrisseys' technique is the opposite of Lees, in the Front series Morrissey explains what she would like to do  to each group. Therefore they are aware of what is going to happen and they can choose whether or no to be part of the narrative. They are complicit in the piece along with Morrissey, who then inserts herself into the family spaces with everyone's knowledge and acceptance. Apart from a change of clothes, Morrissey at no time attempts to phase into the group any further; apart from a change of clothes she makes no attempt to change her appearance to make  herself  different from her subjects. 

Morrissey works with the group to create the context and the narrative of the series and she quickly works with the group in a very short time frame to  present the final image, rather than working  insidiously with the groups to mimic them. By being bold and upfront and presenting the idea to the subjects, they are more willing to accommodate her. I think this is a better idea as they are not being exploited unwittingly and if asked I would be prepared to take part 

In the failed realist, Morrissey uses the face paints to present masks to the viewer, but rather than making skillful complex masks like Gillian Wearing, Morrissey paints her face in the style of child painting with their fingers where the refined motor skills and techniques have yet to develop and the eye still is taken with bold colours and non linear differentiation. In doing so Morrissey has chosen to simplify her masks and 
become both the physical representation of the character or story painted, the portrayal of an idea and the actual canvas in which both the character and the story are told.  

Assignment 2 - Tutor Feedback

My tutor has asked that I keep my idea open ended and continue to iunvestigate the issues of my condition through photography


He asked that I revisit a number of images and reexamine them.

Razor Blade

This was one image that stood out as my tutor pointed out, it was the only monochrome image within the set of images of the assignment. We discussed why - my main point being that in monochrome the blood on the razor did not distract from the final finished image. He suggested that I return to the image and see if I could get a colour version that would be suitable



Having returned to the image, my tutor is correct in that the image is better suited to the set in colour than in monchrome.

Crutches

The main and proper criticism of this image is that it lacked light. The area that the image represents only has daylight within set hours of the start of the day as it is an east facing location. I went back to the image and tinkered with the brightness of the image to bring up the left hand side as it was the darkest area and was distracting form the image.

Pills

Again my tutor suggested that the image lack proper lighting. I have now brightened up the image returning both colour and brightness to the image by making the lighting more natural and slightly brighter.

Blinds

It was felt that the background was causing the blinds to appear dark and dingy. But reshooting and and having some artificial light behind has made the image brighter and more balanced

Autobiographical Self Portrait

The exercise guided me to examine the image collections and essays from Francesca Woodman, Elina Brotherus and Gillian Wearing

One of the questions from the exercise is based on a statement which posits the question that Woodmans images elude to a troubled mind and we are asked what evidence is there of this in Woodmans Space2 essay

I spent some time looking at Space2  Tate. (2017). "Space², Providence, Rhode Island, 1975-1978", Francesca Woodman 1975–8 | Tate. [online] Available at: http://www.tate.org.uk/art/artworks/woodman-space-providence-rhode-island-1975-1978-ar00350 [Accessed 7 Mar. 2017].

Cooke, R. (2017). Searching for the real Francesca Woodman. [online] the Guardian. Available at: https://www.theguardian.com/artanddesign/2014/aug/31/searching-for-the-real-francesca-woodman [Accessed 7 Mar. 2017].

Artblart.com. (2017). Francesca Woodman Space2 | Art Blart. [online] Available at: https://artblart.com/tag/francesca-woodman-space2/ [Accessed 7 Mar. 2017].



and some of space2 it could be read as being trapped or enclosed within a limited space. Woodmans images show a blurred figure moving within a glass case. By blurring the figure, Woodman has reduced the figure to an every-man, it is identifiable as a human only, the blurring demonstrates movement and speed. The figure within the glass case would elude to the figure being on display. The emphasis that the figure is naked could be seen as a show of exhibitionism within the exhibit, an act of defiance and individualism at the same time.

In space 2 by being naked, Woodman is showing that she is not hiding from the gaze of the viewer, in most of the images where we can see her eyes, she gazes directly into the camera, acknowledging the viewer and challenging them to meet her gaze on equal terms. By doing this she removes herself from being an sexual object and becomes an equal in the narrative.

The narrative within Space2 shows that she was acting within the narrative of being one with the background organically merging into it, it demonstrates surrealism with a certain nod of acknowledgement to Breton by the use of blurred figures
.
Looking at the images of Space2 I could not see Brights point that the images showed a troubled mind. Is the narrative of Woodmans life influencing viewers? Are they attracted to her work due to the sense of tragedy of her short life, are they reflecting on her life rather like people reflect on James Dean, Bon Scott and Jimmy Hendrix, rather than on an interest n her actual work. If anything it shows Woodman was at odds with her period of time, she mainly uses Victorian dresses, period shoes and  old backgrounds to remove her from the period of time (the 1970's) and move it into a remembered time of american Gothic. Could this be interpreted as hiding from reality, unhappiness and depression, it could but it can also be seen as someone trying to make their own shape in the world and influence it rather than the world influencing her.


In Annunciation, Verk. (2017). Annonciation - Elina Brotherus. [online] Available at: https://www.verktidskrift.se/annunciation/ [Accessed 7 Mar. 2017]. we are taken through the experiences of Brotherus as she attempts to become pregnant through IVF. The exhibition and essay takes the viewer through the failed attempts and the direct effect on Brotherus  as she attempts to conceive by IVF, The IVF procedure could be considered as a mechanical method of conception rather than a physical thus drawing a comparison to the immaculate conception.

Here Brotherus  is naked to show her pain and vulnerability, but again her graze is towards to viewer. With each diarised date, the images show how Brotherus felt about the process. I was strongly drawn to two particular images within the sequence. One, the image just shows Brotherus s stomach and her bruises received from the harvesting of her eggs and the re-implantation. It showed how much physical pain is caused by the process rather then the other images whose narrative is towards the mental pain.

The second image I was drawn to was the mage of the drip. The drip represents the anchor to the physical process, when attached to the drip, you cannot escape from the pain and the reminder that a medical process is being undertaken. At the end of the sequence the narrative stops, the viewer is suddenly left with no further information, did she conceive or not. The sudden halt in the narrative will make some viewers follow up on Brotherus  to find out what happened, was the pain and anguish worth the processes and procedure, was she happy in the in end?

Gillian Wearing, In album. the Guardian. (2017). Gillian Wearing takeover: behind the mask – the Self Portraits. [online] Available at: https://www.theguardian.com/artanddesign/gallery/2012/mar/27/gillian-wearing-takeover-mask [Accessed 7 Mar. 2017].

Skidmore, M. (2017). The Many Selves of Gillian Wearing. [online] AnOther. Available at: http://www.anothermag.com/art-photography/7906/the-many-selves-of-gillian-wearing [Accessed 7 Mar. 2017].

Here Gillian Wearing is making use of masks for identity; Wearing had masks of her family constructed from the same material as used by TV and film, thus making the masks very realistic but they deteriorate easily which made the process used by Wearing, one where once the mask was used it could not be used again and the images captured could not be repeated, making the images inherit a sense of both time and space.

Wearing hides her own face behind that of members of her own family, changing the perception of her, to that of own family. She is not hiding as much as taking on her perception of their personalities, and her own engagement, interaction and interpretation with them. In each image we can still see her eyes, demonstrating the even with the change of face, it is still her spirit within the body. She cannot truly hide her own identity from the world.

The use of masks can also be read in the context of protection, Wearing is using the masks to fictionalise herself, creating a question within the viewer, challenging what they see as authentic and therefore questioning reality.

Wearing use of masks can be read in the context of Kabuki or Noh  theatre. Both of these styles of theatre use masks as representation. They can be heroes, villains, ideas, and spirits, by using these neutral masks, it is down to the skill of the actor to being the representation to life. In this context Wearing is trying to bring the neutral expressions of the masks into life just using her eyes and again  to ask the viewer to analyse the portrait and look at both Wearing and the family member she represents..

The exercise starts to make me examine not only my own face and expressions but that of others, looking at them for similar expressions and familiarities as well as how their personalities come out through their actions. It also makes me think about how I express myself to the work through how I look and act.